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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Heney Keur Claims To Be The Father Of Anna Nicole's Baby 

Dateline Rock, MI -

It was reported today from Vern in Buckley, by way of Al is Mancelona, through Stan up in Rogers City, relayed to Fred in Detour Village that Heney Keur is the bonifide father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. After failing to find Heney at home in Rock, Snooze reporters fanned out across the UP this afternoon to locate him and ask him about this report. There were two questions on everyone's mind: 1. Could this possibly be true? 2. Is the groundhog a global warming lunatic (more on that later).

It turns out that Heney was on a moose shoot to the northwest of Marquette (truly no-man's land of the north), and was virtually inaccessible. Not only that, but moose are definitely not in season so old Heney likely did not want to be found. On top of that, we don't think there are any moose in that part of the country, so we think Heney was probably chasing after wild geese. In any case, Heney was finally located sitting upon a log pile 20 miles from the 2-track that is itself 20 miles from the nearest paved road, and that is actually a driveway that a guy had paved just so he would have a place to play a little basketball now and then.

Heney was busy trying to figure out where the moose were, so he seemed a bit annoyed when our reporter approached him and asked the question point-blank of Heney: "Are the rumors true that you are the father of Anna Nicole's baby?" To which Heney replied, "Yeah, whatever," then walked off into the woods doing moose-call-type sounds. So there you have it folks: case solved. You heard it hear first.

-Filed by I. M. Feelinweird (Jr.), Publisher (Just Fill'n in for Ed deToure who is gone pheasant hunting with Dick Cheney. Come to think of it Ed has been gone a long time.)

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Heney Keur's Weather Prediction For March 2007! 

I predict that March will be colder than expected, but warmer than anticipated, with maybe some snow, but not a lot unless we happen to get quite a bit, and some welcomed sunshine on those days that are not overcast. That is my prediction--can I be the next groundhog?


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