Thursday, March 29, 2007
Here it is, for conspicuous consumption:
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
In a stunning breakthrough in the science of transient technology and transportation studies, Dr. Heney Keur of the University of Southern Northern Michigan at Rock, Professor Emeritus and former Dean of the College of Extemporaneous Sundry Interpolations, has postulated a new theorem that will likely revolutionize the way in which personal and business travel is implemented worldwide in the coming years. The good doctor explains it this way:
"I remember now why I don't like flying. I was going through the grueling ordeal that they call a security check at Rock International Airport the other day. I thought I was being processed for a stint in the State Pen. They divested me of all of my personal effects and spread them out in several trays for all the world to behold. At that point, I thought I was headed for the lockup for sure, and requested from my interrogators that they please see to it that all of these effects of mine are forwarded to my nearest kin should Bubba and the guys in the yard decide that they don't much care for me.
"Therefore, my theorem states that it is always faster, not to mention more fulfilling, to travel by car rather than by plane to any location that you can drive to in a day's journey. The theorem is expressed in equation form as thus: If CT"<"1D Then CT"<"AT, where CT represents car travel, D represents a nominal car travel day, and AT represents air travel in hours measured from leaving home to arrival at that evening's lodging."
While it can't be said with certainty, it is highly likely that Dr. Heney Keur will be in line to receive the Nobel Prize for science this year for this groundbreaking work.