Sunday, September 07, 2003
B L A C K O U T !
The Fruitport Snooze and Nunica Report is pleased to present a feature article that was published in the print edition last month just prior to us taking the publication exclusively to the internet. We hope you enjoy this one from the archives.
For August 15, 2003
B L A C K O U T !
Dateline Ohio – The entire northeastern quadrant (that means quarter for those of you in Southern California) went dark yesterday afternoon after a massive cascading (refer to Webster for that one) power loop de loop (a little French lingo there) hit the major eastern power gridiron (even though it is a little early for football).
This afternoon, The FSANR (not to be confused with ANWAR, which is the same thing but different) got the scoop of the young century concerning the cause of this unprecedented loss of downs—er, we mean power (got football on the brain for some reason).
It seems that one Seymour Watts, a power plant maintenance guy at an undisclosed location in Ohio (the same undisclosed location used by Dick Cheney, as we understand it) accidentally tripped over a cord while on his way to clean the men’s restroom and pulled the plug from the wall. This started the chain of events that lead to the biggest enchilada of a power failure ever to hit the US Homeland (used to be known as the U.S. of A.).
According to Mega Watts, Seymour’s wife, “Si was just do’n his job, gett’n ready to hose out the men’s urinals. Si takes great pride in his work ya know. He got a award last year ya know—for the best in show at the regional urinal hose’n and restroom floor swab’n contest over in Xenia. He was headed to the nationals this fall in Little Rock, but now I don’t know. This changes everything. Si is really embarrassed. He reported his accident to the boss late last night after a lot a soul search’n, and even offered to plug the cord back in. But the boss said no. That’s a union job, and they could get in real trouble if Si took it upon hisself to plug that there cord back in. Now I guess the union boss is golf’n this weekend, so I s’pose it’s all gonna hafta wait ‘till Monday.”
As of publication, the power is still down, with no indication when it will all finally be restored. We at the FSANR sure do hope, though, that that union thug has a good golf score this weekend.
For August 15, 2003
B L A C K O U T !
Dateline Ohio – The entire northeastern quadrant (that means quarter for those of you in Southern California) went dark yesterday afternoon after a massive cascading (refer to Webster for that one) power loop de loop (a little French lingo there) hit the major eastern power gridiron (even though it is a little early for football).
This afternoon, The FSANR (not to be confused with ANWAR, which is the same thing but different) got the scoop of the young century concerning the cause of this unprecedented loss of downs—er, we mean power (got football on the brain for some reason).
It seems that one Seymour Watts, a power plant maintenance guy at an undisclosed location in Ohio (the same undisclosed location used by Dick Cheney, as we understand it) accidentally tripped over a cord while on his way to clean the men’s restroom and pulled the plug from the wall. This started the chain of events that lead to the biggest enchilada of a power failure ever to hit the US Homeland (used to be known as the U.S. of A.).
According to Mega Watts, Seymour’s wife, “Si was just do’n his job, gett’n ready to hose out the men’s urinals. Si takes great pride in his work ya know. He got a award last year ya know—for the best in show at the regional urinal hose’n and restroom floor swab’n contest over in Xenia. He was headed to the nationals this fall in Little Rock, but now I don’t know. This changes everything. Si is really embarrassed. He reported his accident to the boss late last night after a lot a soul search’n, and even offered to plug the cord back in. But the boss said no. That’s a union job, and they could get in real trouble if Si took it upon hisself to plug that there cord back in. Now I guess the union boss is golf’n this weekend, so I s’pose it’s all gonna hafta wait ‘till Monday.”
As of publication, the power is still down, with no indication when it will all finally be restored. We at the FSANR sure do hope, though, that that union thug has a good golf score this weekend.
