Thursday, September 25, 2003
The Great California Debate
Jerry Brown
(What???)
It was a great show. Arnold and Arianna duked it out, with Arnold promising Arianna a part in his upcoming movie, Terminator Four--what a generous guy. However, the real debate took place across town at the Jerry Brown Theater (Jerry Brown is great theater) on the campus of the University of Ying and Yang Zhen Enlightenment and Ummmmmmmmmmm (on one sustained pitch). There a focus group of aspiring young new-agers lit incense, chanted, and contemplated the meaning of meatballs in spaghetti.
After agreeing to disagree--although disagreeing in perfect harmony with the cosmos--the real debate began. Jerry Brown himself was present to provide the thesis for the debate: Should California be split off from the mainland US and allowed to be floated out into the Pacific?
"This position has been postured by many folks back east," said Brown, "and we wanted to get the pros and cons out in the open while maintaining a sense of unity and oneness with nature." Considering that we hmmmmmmm (on one sustained pitch) can affect global warming by driving our SUV's back and forth to our enlightenment gatherings, and we can also bring about global cooling by setting our refrigerator ice makers to maximum and then throwing ice out the window three times a day as we chant the mantra of the frozen tundra and arctic ecosystem (in key of F), we do of course have control of our destiny. We as Californians in search of truth and light will decide whether we want to separate from the US and drift out into the Pacific were our souls will be unified with the great sea from whence springs all life and thought."
Meanwhile, a collection is being taken by us unenlightened folks to help pay for shock treatments for Jerry if and when they should become necessary. Jerry, we care.
