Sunday, September 07, 2003
President Bush Gives Major Speech From Whitehouse - Heney Keur Rushed To Washington To Give Final Approval To The Text
Dateline, Washington D.C. -
President George W. Bush, His Royal Highness, Duke of Ellington, Earl of Hines, Count of Bassie, Baron on down on Al Quada, Milk of Cow of Magnesia, Lord of the Isles (Or Aisles whatever the case may be) and Prince, Great Steward, and Keeper of the Charlie's Angels video collection (hey, if the Brits can have all of these fancy titles, so can we) entered into the Great Hall of the People (or cabinet room, I guess) this evening to address the American people on the state of the state of the war--or was it the state of the state of the state of the war. Whatever.
Dubya's speech was a great one, even by contemporary standards (huh?). He outlined exactly what America's role must be in reconstructing a postwar Iraq, and also in building an 8 x 10 shed for Saed Salam to house his camel during those nasty desert sand storms. Bush said, "We must all pull together, or surely we will all pull apart--like those yummy oven bake rolls, you know. In our toiling and striving to build Saed's shed, we will find a new spark of freedom, a new hope for mankind and his camels. Before this fortnight is over (see side bar for explanation of a fortnight) we shall all join hand in hand, we shall overcome, and we shall all sing like the freed slaves of old: Free at last, free at last; thank God almighty, I'm free at last." Needless to say, it was a rousing, riveting, and generally overall better than mediocre speech. We found out that Geo W. can indeed pronounce "Saddam" better than his father ever did.
As for Heney Keur, he was rushed to Washington D.C. by ambulance all the way from Rock (wait 'till you see that bill!) to sign off on the President's speech. As readers of the FSANR know very well, Heney Keur is a Roads Scholar having spent a whole bunch of time around M-35 and US-2, two roads that run through and near Rock, Michigan. Heney is also an Interesting Fellow in the Department of Speechwriting, Forensic Science, and Gobbledygook within the College of Arts and Mortuary Sciences at the University of Southern Northern Michigan at Rock. If anyone would recognize a dead speech, it would be Heney (he's given enough of 'em).
Anyway, Heney arrived in D.C. (all 12 volts) just in the nick of time to review Bush's speech. However, he forgot his correcting pen so had to sidetrack to Staples, but they were closed when he arrived. By this time, Heney was frantic--he had a speech to correct, but was having a dismal and somewhat rather (but not a whole lot) nutso time of collecting the tools of his trade. Well, he ended up over at the Smithsonian Institution and grabbed one of those old quill pens out of the George Washington display, then made a beeline for the Whitehouse. Once he arrived, he was escorted to the Oval Office (which is really more pie-shaped than anything, if the truth be known), and quickly snatched up the speech and started making corrections. He decided to redline those parts about Chirac and some of his effeminate tendencies, and also struck out something to do with Kofi Annan's Mother's choice in footwear. Once the corrections were made, the text was rushed to Bush at about 8:28 pm, just as he was ready to step out to give the speech that he did not yet have in hand. Whew! Finished just in the nick of time, for sure.
Well, this was all in a day's work for Heney, who is accustomed to answering the call of duty of his country. Heney and Colin Powell sat down to a steak dinner in D.C. before Heney boarded a semi-truck (hey, the guy was going to Detroit) for the trip back to Michigan. With any luck, Heney will be home in time to see the talking heads do their best to discredit the idea that old Saed even needs a shed.
President George W. Bush, His Royal Highness, Duke of Ellington, Earl of Hines, Count of Bassie, Baron on down on Al Quada, Milk of Cow of Magnesia, Lord of the Isles (Or Aisles whatever the case may be) and Prince, Great Steward, and Keeper of the Charlie's Angels video collection (hey, if the Brits can have all of these fancy titles, so can we) entered into the Great Hall of the People (or cabinet room, I guess) this evening to address the American people on the state of the state of the war--or was it the state of the state of the state of the war. Whatever.
Dubya's speech was a great one, even by contemporary standards (huh?). He outlined exactly what America's role must be in reconstructing a postwar Iraq, and also in building an 8 x 10 shed for Saed Salam to house his camel during those nasty desert sand storms. Bush said, "We must all pull together, or surely we will all pull apart--like those yummy oven bake rolls, you know. In our toiling and striving to build Saed's shed, we will find a new spark of freedom, a new hope for mankind and his camels. Before this fortnight is over (see side bar for explanation of a fortnight) we shall all join hand in hand, we shall overcome, and we shall all sing like the freed slaves of old: Free at last, free at last; thank God almighty, I'm free at last." Needless to say, it was a rousing, riveting, and generally overall better than mediocre speech. We found out that Geo W. can indeed pronounce "Saddam" better than his father ever did.
As for Heney Keur, he was rushed to Washington D.C. by ambulance all the way from Rock (wait 'till you see that bill!) to sign off on the President's speech. As readers of the FSANR know very well, Heney Keur is a Roads Scholar having spent a whole bunch of time around M-35 and US-2, two roads that run through and near Rock, Michigan. Heney is also an Interesting Fellow in the Department of Speechwriting, Forensic Science, and Gobbledygook within the College of Arts and Mortuary Sciences at the University of Southern Northern Michigan at Rock. If anyone would recognize a dead speech, it would be Heney (he's given enough of 'em).
Anyway, Heney arrived in D.C. (all 12 volts) just in the nick of time to review Bush's speech. However, he forgot his correcting pen so had to sidetrack to Staples, but they were closed when he arrived. By this time, Heney was frantic--he had a speech to correct, but was having a dismal and somewhat rather (but not a whole lot) nutso time of collecting the tools of his trade. Well, he ended up over at the Smithsonian Institution and grabbed one of those old quill pens out of the George Washington display, then made a beeline for the Whitehouse. Once he arrived, he was escorted to the Oval Office (which is really more pie-shaped than anything, if the truth be known), and quickly snatched up the speech and started making corrections. He decided to redline those parts about Chirac and some of his effeminate tendencies, and also struck out something to do with Kofi Annan's Mother's choice in footwear. Once the corrections were made, the text was rushed to Bush at about 8:28 pm, just as he was ready to step out to give the speech that he did not yet have in hand. Whew! Finished just in the nick of time, for sure.
Well, this was all in a day's work for Heney, who is accustomed to answering the call of duty of his country. Heney and Colin Powell sat down to a steak dinner in D.C. before Heney boarded a semi-truck (hey, the guy was going to Detroit) for the trip back to Michigan. With any luck, Heney will be home in time to see the talking heads do their best to discredit the idea that old Saed even needs a shed.
