Thursday, September 04, 2003
The Snooze Adds Guestbook, Hires New Editor
The Fruitport Snooze and Nunica Report has added a guestbook to our internet edition. You can now communicate directly to us all of those disjointed thoughts that have been simmering in a cauldron neatly tucked away somewhere in the vast, empty recesses of your brain for weeks now. Thoughts such as: "I wish that guy would take me off his mailing list;" and "What a stupid, mindless activity—I don't even get it;" and "Get a life! Go skip stones on Lake Michigan or something and leave me alone."
And to keep track of the volumes of guestbook entries that we expect to see, the FSANP has hired a new editor, Ed deToure. Ed wants everyone to know first and foremost that he is decidedly NOT French--don't even think it. In fact, Ed is the guy really pushing now for us to close the Paris office. We have been working toward closing the office for months, but we are having trouble getting the Paris electrical union to come by and turn out the lights. It seems that there are no light switches in the Paris office; the lights must be "turned off" by unscrewing them from their sockets. And for some reason the union has not been able to decide just how many French electrical-type guys would be needed to unscrew the light bulbs. Well, Ed got quite upset on the phone the other day. He called the union and said, "Hey, just send one guy, Chirac. He can hold a bulb, stand still and Europe will revolve around him."
The union tried to get a hold of Chirac but it seems he was testing a new French army tank all last week. It is a specially designed tank that has only caught on with the French military for some reason. It has five gears: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear. Chirac was having a great time with those reverse gears. If the French had had this tank in WWII, they could have retreated to Vichy in half the time. Well, if we can get Chirac out of his tank in the next week or so, we might be able to get those bulbs unscrewed and get that Paris office shuttered. Hey, maybe we can call Michael Dukakis to get some pointers on what it took to get him out of that tank when he was running for President back in '88.
And to keep track of the volumes of guestbook entries that we expect to see, the FSANP has hired a new editor, Ed deToure. Ed wants everyone to know first and foremost that he is decidedly NOT French--don't even think it. In fact, Ed is the guy really pushing now for us to close the Paris office. We have been working toward closing the office for months, but we are having trouble getting the Paris electrical union to come by and turn out the lights. It seems that there are no light switches in the Paris office; the lights must be "turned off" by unscrewing them from their sockets. And for some reason the union has not been able to decide just how many French electrical-type guys would be needed to unscrew the light bulbs. Well, Ed got quite upset on the phone the other day. He called the union and said, "Hey, just send one guy, Chirac. He can hold a bulb, stand still and Europe will revolve around him."
The union tried to get a hold of Chirac but it seems he was testing a new French army tank all last week. It is a specially designed tank that has only caught on with the French military for some reason. It has five gears: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear. Chirac was having a great time with those reverse gears. If the French had had this tank in WWII, they could have retreated to Vichy in half the time. Well, if we can get Chirac out of his tank in the next week or so, we might be able to get those bulbs unscrewed and get that Paris office shuttered. Hey, maybe we can call Michael Dukakis to get some pointers on what it took to get him out of that tank when he was running for President back in '88.
